scattered thoughts on jackie dolls, uncertainty and evil

i once dated someone who refused to use the word evil to describe anything because he didn’t like the overtones of moral judgment.

it was too harsh a word, too strong. i do wonder, in retrospect, if he truly felt there were nothing that could rise to the occasion of being legitimately evil. but i never asked so i do not know.

this is awful. i need solace. you know where i go for comfort, no?

you guessed it! the radiant, sunshiney world of jackie dolls on etsy. Continue reading

on silence

for the last few weeks, i’ve been working on a thing that lacks form– it may be an article or it may be a book.

it is, undoubtedly, a story in progress.

i’ve pursued it through haphazard writing and numerous conversations over expensive dinners i can’t really afford.

still, i do not know what it will be.

(via Getty)

i think it’s something though.

there is a there there.

Continue reading

i want to talk about carolyn bessette kennedy

even though there is not a lot to say beyond the same old thing that it seems i always say, which is: OMG, why are we not better at this???!?!

it is 2019. it is twenty years later. it’s been all that time and we still suck.

(by bruce weber)

Continue reading

are we really being mean to melania?

it’s funny- not ha, ha funny, but, like, oh the whims of life funny (which is, maybe, really just an optimistic spin on super depressing)- how you can study culture for ages and then still be surprised by it.

still be like, oh look at this gross thing i’ve seen! yay cultural analysis and phd-level thinking! huzzah! and not realize that, in seeing that gross thing that one time, you will now be seeing that gross thing EVERYWHERE ALL OF THE TIME. because that is how culture works and this gross thing is now something you’ve trained your eyes to see.

remember those magic eye posters in the 90s? where if you squinted hard enough at a mosaic of 1000 pictures of al gore or marilyn monroe, a dolphin would emerge.

i could never see the dolphin.

i’ve always resented that so i tend to lean heavily on this metaphor to boast about the things i can see.

it’s small consolation. honestly, sometimes i’d rather have just seen the dolphin.

that is all a wind up to the buffet at which we find ourselves, in the neighborhood to which i never wanted to go. we have been here before. and before. and a few times after that as well. (if you are like, oline, wtf are you talking about, go forth, catch up, come back. i do not have the energy to recap.)

lest this give you the impression that i love this party, let me be clear: i do not. i am tired of these leftovers. i would like to go home.

alas.

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my life with jackie

it is like a nesting doll, my life with jackie. a series of anniversaries, each now saturated in its own memories.

because when you write about someone else, you are ultimately writing about yourself.

when you write about someone for twenty-five years, writing about that person is actually you living your life. Continue reading

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE HAS A MEMOIR

such was the nature of 2018 that i- a woman with her good ear perpetually to the ground of celebrity gossip- TOTALLY DID NOT KNOW THIS.

not until, like, now. when i was reading an essay on memphis music and thought biography.com wasn’t enough of a credible source and wondered if there were any biographies of j.tim to recommend to this student and then………. LO.

on 29 october 2018, hindsight & all the things i can’t see in front of me apparently came into the world.

and then, a blessed 144 days of my not knowing this detail later, hindsight & all the things i can’t see in front of me came into my world. Continue reading