an abbreviated love letter to lara ehrlich, editrix

i never wanted to be a writer. because writing is, let’s face it, rather dull.

editing is where the action’s at.

but i don’t mean proofreading, which is what most people probably think of when they think of editing. to use a gross metaphor: proofreading is like picking the fish up from the butcher; editing is being the butcher. Continue reading

BREAKING NEWS: emergency thoughts re: tom cruise, celebristar (ie. ouch, mine eyes/heart; the men you love in your youth will always let you down)

there was a time when i loved tom cruise. (confession: just looking into his velvety eyes right there, i’m more than  a little in love with him now.)

mind you, i like my men a little wrecked and my celebrity crushes have always, accordingly, been suspect. odds are i was the only 14-year-old with a scrapbook dedicated to matthew modine, isaac mizrahi and michael hutchence. not that i ever told anyone. that crushing was top secret.

tom cruise was legit, mainstream. a celebrity i could share with all my friends because he was safe, sturdy, and conventionally good-looking. he seemed like a beautiful man with whom my younger self could’ve had a very happy, totally fictitious, very public life (while i secretly bitched to isaac mizrahi and romanced matthew modine and michael hutchence on the side).

this was way back. like, in the before times.

before the internet. before rosie o’donnell was a lesbian. before katie holmes and oprah’s couch.

these were the good old days. remember those? Continue reading

biographers love to talk about process

in 8 days, i leave for paris. in 14 days, i will be delivering a paper, the title of which contains the following words (presented here in no order): “adventure”, “stardom”, “tabloid”, “feminism”, “narrative”, journey”, “the NEW woman”, “via”, “jackie onassis”.

i know, i know. you’re buying your tickets to paris pronto. you’re there with bells. because this adventure stardom tabloid feminism narrative journey NEW woman train is obviously something you do not want to miss. you want to ride that, am i right?

man, i will give it to you. because, for all the years i’ve been speaking about sex toboggans, for the first time i have legitimately steered mine down a perilous run. paper-wise. Continue reading

katie holmes greg kinnear

reality vs. reelz: reflections on “the kennedys,” an “8-part epic movie event,” one year out

yeah, i’m 365 days late, but it takes time to collect one’s thoughts re: epic 8-part movie events. i’m collected now. let’s do this.

in case you’re unsure how to interpret the phrase “8-part movie event,” allow me. the kennedys is a really long oliver stone movie cut up into 8 pieces and put on tv. by which i mean that what it’s lacking in the acting and dialogue it more than makes up for in the accents and the paternal/fraternal/maternal crazy. Continue reading