an open letter to lindsay lohan regarding the upcoming trainwreck that is the lifetime movie “liz and dick,” and which is very nearly upon us

OH.MY.GAWD.LI.LO.

LIZ AND DICK IS UPON US!!!!

this is a major excitingment.

or the end of your career.

or both.

who knows. the stakes are very unclear.

this is one of the maybe three times per year that i lament my lack of cable (btw, ALL of them revolve around made-for-tv movies, which is, in and of itself, a sad commentary on my priorities).

let’s put this in perspective. this is the celebrity equivalent of the hoffstra debate. srsly. this is when it gets real. or awesome. and budget. and bad.

so li.lo, what are we in for? let’s see:

um… WOW.

doesn’t it sound like “you’re screwing that wench!” was auto-tuned?

“they drink, they fight, they fornicate.”

question: am i wrong for wanting this to be my obituary???

so, can we all agree that this trailer is basically the liz and dick poster come to life? like someone looked at this poster:

and said, “i will make a movie based on that!”

this leads me to wonder if what we are about to watch (whenever i can find it online or on itunes- dear lifetime, for the love of god, put this on itunes! i will pay!! i promise!!!), the entire movie will essentially be a poster come to life. a poster stretched out to 2 hours minus commercials.

li.lo, that would be epic, yes? and sad. and amazing. and wrong.

because elizabeth taylor led a life more fascinating than any movie based on a poster could ever convey.

dear lindsay lohan, in conclusion, i would like to piece together the text featured in this preview to see what it reveals:

“the year’s most… controversial… provocative… scandal… love affairs… diamonds… paparazzi… biggest television event”

that is, like, the worst haiku ever. oh dear lindsay lohan, what have you done?

love,

o.

(photographs by terry richardson; lifetime.com) 

One thought on “an open letter to lindsay lohan regarding the upcoming trainwreck that is the lifetime movie “liz and dick,” and which is very nearly upon us

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s