dear famous person, by now you are no doubt familiar with my guide to protecting your posthumous privacy in 10 easy steps.

do please permit me to make a practical addendum regarding steps 8 and 9.

step 8 is, as you may recall,  to deputize your heirs to inconsistently yet fiercely exercise copyright claims on your behalf. and step 9 is to make the researcher feel as terrorized as may be.

and i know. i know you’re thinking but oline. I AM A FAMOUS PERSON. i do not have time for this bureaucracy.

lo! i am here to help.

as i said before, you’re ultimate goal here is to make the researcher feel- AT ALL TIMES- that all of his/her work will inevitably result in some kind of copyright violation that will inevitably end in either (1) an expensive law suit or (2) jail.

that is your end game.

to do that, all you need is this:

dear famous person, that paragraph. that is all you need.

that paragraph on a sheet photocopied and stapled to EVERY SINGLE FILE the researcher receives from the institution that holds an archive with letters from you in it.

a threat that will strike terror into the heart of every researcher, along with not a little annoyance as it is a threat for which he/she just paid $103.

 (aaron shikler studies for the white house portrait)