a brief analysis of the daily mail’s meghan markle “REVELATIONS”

surely, SURELY we are deep enough in our daily mail master class to recognize that the man behind the curtain has no clothes, right?

but yeah, anyhoo, here we are at exhibit ZZZ

given that the daily mail almost EXCLUSIVELY pedals in a genre perhaps best described as News From Elsewhere (with the exception of their EXCLUSIVE EXCLUSIVES which always have EXCLUSIVE plastered all over them so they are adequately distinguished from the pack of unoriginal content), i don’t know why i always give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that their articles are doing something other than killing time.

this article, my friends? this thing is seriously killing time. 

this article is already squarely positioned within the genre of Content From Somewhere Else, as denoted by the lack of EXCLUSIVE boasts. but if i had to pick a sub-genre, i’d probably go with Content Framed as a New Revelation Which Comes From a Book Published Many Months Ago.

true story: this is one of my most favorite things the daily mail does.

because, as someone who has a finger on the pulse of the ridiculously gossipy, pulpy end of the biography corner of the publishing sector, i pride myself on knowing the latest releases. but i also really enjoy that moment of dislocation, of wondering, did andrew morton publish a book i missed?

what a time to be alive.

no, people. andrew morton did not publish a book we missed.

rather, the daily mail, presumably hard up for content, sent an actual person (does this not seem like a job for DAILY MAIL REPORTER, tho?!) to… the daily mail library?? (omg, if you are a member of the daily mail industrial complex, please pretty please let me know if there’s like a book room from whence these articles come…)

at which point that person read a book that was published in april 2018 and produced these “revelations.”

my absolute favorite part of this article?

FROM WHERE?!?!?!?!?!!

a passage in a book has surfaced!

presumably this simply means that SOMEONE READ THE BOOK.

OMG THE DRAMAZ.

leave it to the daily mail to make finding something in a book sound like the leaking of the mueller report.

there is no new news here, folks, move along.

this is meghan and harry 101. this was, like, ten whole minutes in their lifetime movie. why we needed to revisit a five month old book for an article on this NOW is beyond me.

is this our distraction from that horrifying report on climate change from the IPCC?

is it papering over the memory that a man who clearly perjured himself has been appointed to the highest court in the land?

it is merely an excuse to include the female fashion finder and green leather hugo boss skirts to us for $595?

why we need to pretend like this is a story that constitutes “revelations” and which has emerged from the ether is beyond.

the daily mail is so extra.

et tu.

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