the sex lives of dead people: JFK edition (emotions via britney)

i mean, i had you at hello, right? you are like, holy moses, this woman is ambitious. for seriously, is there a more prodigious sex life of a dead person than that of JFK? haven’t we all of us, by this point, slept with JFK?

ok. so that’s taking it a step too far. but seriously. and i say this as a biographer. it is likely that JFK slept with a whole load of people. i’m not contesting that.

there seems to be a lot of compelling evidence that his sex life was extensive.

having written extensively about his wife, there seems to be compelling evidence that she knew his sex life was extensive.

what i would do is suggest that we not take every single claim about his extensive sex life as absolute truth.

given what we know about how the sex lives of dead people work.

(new life goal: to some day teach a master class on the sex lives of dead people. just fyi.)

so here we are with the man of the hour:

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on jackie, letters, love, and the english lord

holy moses, it’s been awhile.

mostly because the hubbub over this english lord nonsense was so nonsensical that it was exhausting, so i just did a big eye-roll and lived my life. a sloooooow big eye-roll mind you because the story of these letters has been like a dripping faucet, where you know it’s dripping and there’s nothing you can do about it but people keep coming into the room to say, OMG, IT’S DRIPPING!!! as though this is a revelation.

while the existence of letters is exciting and the existence of actual words is indeed a legit news story, the enthusiasm with which these particular letters and these actual words have been met- in particular, the GUSH of ink- seems a bit out of proportion with the letters and words themselves.

but then mayhaps you are like, OLINE, WHAT IS THIS OF WHICH YOU SPEAK??! let’s take this double-quick… Continue reading

the sex lives of dead people: jackie onassis and everyone, movie tie-in edition (emotions via britney)

so i have been putting this off for daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays because, HOLY MOSES… i don’t even know.

i mean, that has captured your attention, non? you are RIVETED, right?

brit 34

let’s dive in.

(via the daily mail)

(via the daily mail)

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the sex lives of dead people: bobby kennedy/marilyn monroe edition

surely you are aware by now that there is nothing trippier than attempting to unpack the rumors surrounding the sex lives of dead people. right? you are with me? if not, go here to the Finding Jackie Compendium of The Sex Lives of Dead People and then come back to me…

oh, hello! welcome back. today:


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the sex lives of dead people: elizabeth taylor + everyone edition

come, let us look at this closely.

Screen Shot 2015-10-25 at 10.18.24 AM

and let us begin by noting that, thanks to the oddities of the daily mail‘s online layout, no, this is not liz taylor at 16. it is a marks & spencer’s conspiracy to get us to buy cashmere. Continue reading

the sex lives of dead people: elizabeth taylor and mickey rooney edition

now i’mma do this real quick, ya’ll. because you know we have been here before so rumors about people’s sex lives are pretty much old hat to us, non?

today: ET and MR. conveniently, both 5′ 2″ (ish) [though do not quote me on that because i’m going on memory. this is a factoid i have not looked up. ET may have been 5’1″… or was that princess margaret? never mind. JASON PRIESTLY IS 5′!!!! see this is what happens when i write a blog post after 6 p.m.]

ANYEEEEWAY. these guys:

national velvet

national velvet

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apologies to capote: history, gossip and gore vidal (emotions via britney)

i have- quite late in the day for one writing a biography of jackie onassis- come to the late memoirs of the late gore vidal.

Screen Shot 2015-08-31 at 8.49.21 AMfor which i will need my celebrity EMOTIONS ALL OVER THE FACE face double…

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