FACT TIME WITH OLINE: the daily mail on jacqueline kennedy’s suicidal thoughts

in the first of what may or may not become a recurring series…

FACT TIME WITH OLINE!!!

adrien-brody-fact-time-with-oline

oh hey, ya’ll. i’m a legit doctor now so please note the new, highly over-educated gravitas of my lit crit here.

good timing too because with the release of jackie, lo! a kennedy season is upon us.

translation: prepare yoself for some really ridiculously counter-factual daily mail reports.

et voilá!

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there is nothing worse than a staunch woman

but you see in dealing with me, the relatives didn’t know that they were dealing with a staunch character. and i tell you, if there’s anything worse than a staunch woman… S-T-A-U-N-C-H. there’s nothing worse, i’m telling you… they don’t weaken. no matter what… but they didn’t know that. well, how were they to know?

 you dressed for battle, edie, one of the maysles brothers asks her. this is either an observation or an inquiry, the inflection is inconclusive. it could be either. i cannot tell which.

you dressed for battle. Continue reading

jackie o, “queen of springtime style” (est. by the daily mail, may 2016)

in the 22 years i have been actively thinking about jackie onassis, she has only ever appeared in my dreams twice. in one of those dreams, she wore this:

jo yellow

the daily mail would have us believe this dress is the same as this:

and perhaps this is a failure of imagination on my part, but um… NO.  Continue reading

concern via the daily mail: “slimline” colin firth and mariah carey, “diva in distress”

you guys, COLIN FIRTH HAS LOST WEIGHT!!!

we know this because our friend MAILONLINE REPORTER over at the daily mail told us this on 15 may in a characteristically calm report

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“But could your undies be causing you serious health problems? And is there a real case for eschewing them altogether?”

i don’t even know, ya’ll…

except that, when i awoke this morning, this was the lead news story on the daily mail‘s main page.  Continue reading