Prince Harry “Bridget Jones” Windsor, US Weekly, “the single life,” and further thoughts on “Lothario DiCaprio”

Man, the unmarried men are taking a beating this week. And lest you imagine this is confined to the pages of the Daily Mail and the person of Leo “Lothario” DiCaprio, nope, ’tis not. Enter US Weekly and Prince Harry.

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saint west, saint wentz and “the ultimate celebrity disaster”

have you ever wondered, what is the ultimate celebrity disaster? 

well, lo, THE DAILY MAIL PROVIDES.

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kanye and KK had their kid. they named it saint. pete wentz also has a kid and it is also named saint. et voilà.

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the sex lives of dead people: elizabeth taylor + everyone edition

come, let us look at this closely.

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and let us begin by noting that, thanks to the oddities of the daily mail‘s online layout, no, this is not liz taylor at 16. it is a marks & spencer’s conspiracy to get us to buy cashmere. Continue reading

the sex lives of dead people: elizabeth taylor and mickey rooney edition

now i’mma do this real quick, ya’ll. because you know we have been here before so rumors about people’s sex lives are pretty much old hat to us, non?

today: ET and MR. conveniently, both 5′ 2″ (ish) [though do not quote me on that because i’m going on memory. this is a factoid i have not looked up. ET may have been 5’1″… or was that princess margaret? never mind. JASON PRIESTLY IS 5′!!!! see this is what happens when i write a blog post after 6 p.m.]

ANYEEEEWAY. these guys:

national velvet

national velvet

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the daily mail, what women wear and the way we write about them (emotions via britney spears)

YOU GUYS.

i read the daily mail on the regular because it’s pretty much where all gossip stories start. so i’m aware of the mail’s howshallwesay… COLOSSAL PROBLEMS. but every now and again, there’s an especially egregiously awful article for which britney is required to express the resulting spectrum of emotions.

and yesterday, that was this:

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which made me go:

brit 35

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will and kate in america

so this is All of the Things.

and to avoid doing what i so often criticize the daily mail for doing, imma tell you right up front which of The Things it is:

*will and kate

*beyonce and jay-z

*hillary and obama

*eric garner and michael brown

23E4B38800000578-2866141-image-m-79_1418085014210for real.  Continue reading