INTERVENTION: dear ‘how i met your mother,’ i love you but it’s time to stop using the word ‘bitch’

first things first, i love how i met your mother. i love the exploration of story-telling techniques. i love the characters. i love how the show has evolved in the last eight years. i love the long-running jokes. and i love everything ever about neil patrick harris. y’know what i do not love? the show’s nearly constant use of the word bitch.

himym

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on a totally unrelated note, a brief spell of self-promotion

i’ve another blog. did you know this? are you reading it? you maybe should be, because it will solve all of your problems… through beverly hills, 90210.

no, really. abstinence, condom distribution in schools, school districting, gang violence, kidnapping, custodial issues for divorced dads, bigotry, post-traumatic stress, the treatment of veterans post-war, pregnancy, abortion, hazing, inter-racial dating, cocaine addiction, mental illness, virginity, AIDS, drag racing, election fraud, drinking policies at proms and the proper etiquette for the negotiation of record deals- ProblemSolved90210 has got you covered. check it.

love,

o.

in totally frivolous things that needed to happen: jackie bouvier kennedy onassis, a review

come on. admit it. you, like me, have been patiently awaiting the dvd release of the made-for-tv movie jackie bouvier kennedy onassis since september 1999, when you were in your first month of college and didn’t know how to work your roommate’s VCR and so you missed seeing it on TV and assumed it would either be rerun or released on VHS for $99 in 1 year and available for $14.95 in 2, which it never ever was, despite an obsessive amazon vigil that you’ve faithfully kept up for the last 12 years.

i’m guessing then that you’re not unawares that on november 22, 2011, your hopes and dreams came true and jackie bouvier kennedy onassis was released.

but maybe you didn’t know. if not, excitement! it is! and fear not! i, your awesomeoline, will now spare you the ordeal of ever watching it. Continue reading

an open letter to lindsay lohan on the 2nd day of principle shooting for the unstoppable trainwreck that is the lifetime movie “liz and dick”

dear lindsay lohan,

so i was just sitting here thinking: hmmm… li.lo’s been awful quiet lately. what the eff is up?

and then i google and god giveth.

turns out today you started principle photography on your forthcoming historical masterpiece, LIZ & DICK. Continue reading

katie holmes greg kinnear

reality vs. reelz: reflections on “the kennedys,” an “8-part epic movie event,” one year out

yeah, i’m 365 days late, but it takes time to collect one’s thoughts re: epic 8-part movie events. i’m collected now. let’s do this.

in case you’re unsure how to interpret the phrase “8-part movie event,” allow me. the kennedys is a really long oliver stone movie cut up into 8 pieces and put on tv. by which i mean that what it’s lacking in the acting and dialogue it more than makes up for in the accents and the paternal/fraternal/maternal crazy. Continue reading